I would walk when others hold back.
I would wake when others sleep.
I would listen when others talk,
and how I would enjoy a good chocolate ice cream!
If God were to give me a piece of life,
I would dress simply,
throw myself face first into the sun,
baring not only my body but also my soul.
My God, if I had a heart, I would write my hate on ice,
and wait for the sun to show.
Over the stars I would paint with a Van Gogh dream a Benedetti poem,
and a Serrat song would be the serenade I’d offer to the moon.
With my tears I would water roses,
to feel the pain of their thorns,
and the red kiss of their petals.

My God, if I had a piece of life…
I wouldn’t let a single day pass without telling the people I love that I love them.
I would convince each woman and each man that they are my favorites,
and I would live in love with love.
I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old,
not knowing that they grow old when they cease to love!
To a child I shall give wings,
but I shall let him learn to fly on his own.
I would teach the old that death does not come with old age,
but with forgetting.
So much have I learned from you, oh men…

I have learned that everyone wants to live on the peak of the mountain,
without knowing that real happiness is in how it is scaled.
I have learned that when a newborn child squeezes for the first time with his tiny fist his father’s finger,
he has him trapped forever.
I have learned that a man has the right to look down on another only when he has to help the other get to his feet.
From you I have learned so many things,
but in truth they won’t be of much use,
for when I keep them within this suitcase,
unhappily shall I be dying.

~GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ~

Peace be with you,

P.S. This is not a translation from our attempts in class. It is my favorite, from Perry Smith.

A Dog’s Purpose (from a 6-year old)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.He said,”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The Six-year-old continued,

”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

Live simply.

Love generously.

Care deeply.

Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently…

Isn’t that great? I don’t know who wrote it but I love the message. For today, I’m going to live like a dog. I hope you do too.

Last year I suggested you forget making resolutions and create some new daily habits.

This year let’s try something new. You’re going to need your 2011 calendar. Grab it, sit back, relax and take some time with these three steps:

1. Review What happened last year? What do you consider your high points? How about your low points? Did you have any turning points?

2. Analyze Dig a little deeper. What actions did you take to create the high points? How about the low points? And do you see how often the turning points were the result of either the highs OR the lows? And, how sometimes, the low points led you to the high?

For example, one of my lows was that my beloved Uncle Bill died. I was too sick to go to his funeral in Florida. Uncle Bill’s daughter, Diane, and I had been close friends practically from birth. We’d grown apart after she married 30+ years ago. Her very wise husband suggested the best gift I could give Diane to convey my sorrow about Uncle Bill would be to go on a trip with Diane…we did it! Our trip to Seattle, then by train to Portland was one of the high points of my year! A very low point led to a very high point. I noticed a lot of relationships like these. I bet you will too.

3. Plan You’ve gathered some important information about yourself. How you can continue to do what worked for you in 2011? Were any of your low points a result of something you did? Can you prevent any from happening again?

One of my low points occurred after I spoke for an MS group in a city about 30 miles outside of San Antonio. The speech itself had been a delightful interaction with the audience. BUT, I failed to Mapquest my way home. was lost for 2 hours then sick for a week. This is a low point I can prevent in 2012.

Finally, do you notice any loose ends? One of my high points had been meeting my husband for lunch once a week. Somehow it fizzled out and we forgot about it. Now it’s a loose end I’m going to take care of immediately. (He’s at work so he’ll be receiving an evite!)

Here’s a quick summary:

Review:

• What were your high points?
• What were your low points?
• What were your turning points?

Analyze:

• What did you do to create the high points? The low points?
• What are the relationships among the high, low and turning points?

Plan:

• To continue doing what worked for you in 2011
• To prevent anything that didn’t work for you (within your control) from happening again
• To tie up loose ends

Let me know how this approach works for you. Please feel free to post anything you’re finding challenging or even to tell us about your high/low/turning points. I can’t wait to hear how it’s going and I’d love to help out if you hit a roadblock.

Warmly,

This quote reflects one of the life-changing practices at the core of coaching… “make requests, don’t complain.”

Obtain from yourself all that makes complaining useless.
No longer implore from others what you yourself can obtain. - Andre Gide

While this is an important idea, let’s have a little fun with it! Here’s a delightful example how complaining gets you nowhere

I hope you had a great laugh! Enjoy the holidays and I’ll see you next time.

Cheering on my clients’ victories is a wonderful part of being a coach. This delightful short film says it better than I ever could. Wait until you have 15 minutes and enjoy!!

I hope you’re smiling!

Warmly,

Some days I’ll look out and there will be a squirrel, sitting on the branch, inches away, just looking at me. Or a cardinal. Or a butterfly. One day I just sat in amazement at the brilliant colors of a blue jay. And I’ll never forget the Spring two “teenage” squirrels chased each other gleefully through the leaves, slipping and tripping…I could almost hear them laughing.  These “events” all made it to my grateful journal. They still make me smile.

One day I returned home after a wonderful visit with my father in North Carolina. The branch was gone. All that remained was a fat stub. I immediately launched into the assumption that the neighbors cut it for better satellite dish reception. And if I had been here, I would have asked them if I could pay an extra amount to leave part of the branch in front of my window. But I wasn’t here. I decided to treat this as a quiz from the universe. I began by simply experiencing my sadness. But then another idea popped up. What if lightening had struck the branch and they had to saw it off? That’s when it I knew the answer to the quiz.

I had a different reaction depending on which scenario I assumed to be true! Which brought me back to Don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements and the third agreement:  “Don’t Make Assumptions”. Because I could actually watch the different feelings arising with the different assumptions, I had the proof I needed that assumptions are pure folly.  And, knowing this, I was able to see how adherence to Ruiz’s agreement is key to maintaining a sense of calm and control even in the face of disappointment and loss. Next time you’re upset about something, think about whether you’ve made assumption. If you have, remember the stub! See you next time!!!

Warmly,

Guess who said it? You probably have some idea from the title of this blog…That’s right, it was me, in the 9/30/2010 blog, “How a Fish Changed My Life (and can change yours too).”

Way back in September I had convinced myself I had learned (from the fish) to follow Don Miguel Ruiz’s second agreement, “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” If someone says or does something might be upsetting to you, don’t take it personally because it has nothing to do with you. It’s is all about what’s going on inside of the person: his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions.

Oh, how easy to say when it’s all about a fish. Not so easy when it’s about an actual… person. I recently attended a conference where I was introduced to a fellow attendee who had just arrived. I smiled, shook his hand and welcomed him. Guess what he did? Nada. Oh sure, he shook my hand. But did he return my smile? No. Was he friendly? No. Was he kind…? I’ll just stop here. The guy was just not.

My HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) self launched right in and took this very personally. Not just that day but every other day right up until the end when the presenter opened with everyone singing along with Mick Jagger. Naturally I happened to be sitting next to Mr. Friendly. As we all sang “I can’t get no…satisfaction,” I noticed the presenter had deleted the lyric, “I can’t get no…girl in action.”

I joked with Mr. Friendly about this (okay, I hear you asking, “and you did that, why?”). He said he hadn’t noticed, sat down and never said another word.

Mr. Friendly was like the nightmare that wouldn’t end. The last straw? I’m boarding the flight and have a coach ticket. You know how sometimes when you fly coach, as you pass through the first class section some of the passengers watch you? Guess who was watching? You got it! Mr. Friendly. No nod of recognition, just a looking-through-me kind of stare. Then it finally dawned on me…I was dealing with an Orange Fish. It had never been me; everything he did (or didn’t do, in my case) was about him. His life, his expectations, his experiences all led him to be who he was. I had nothing to do with it.

And while he appeared to be a very accomplished, self-confident man we can never know what is going on inside of someone else. We usually compare what we’re feeling inside to what another person looks like on the outside.

I knew all this, but I FORGOT! Scary, huh? What kind of a Success Coach would forget her own blog? Hmmmm…Me ! Now I’m thankful for Mr. Friendly. I needed a tuneup. From now until I forget again, I’ll be mindful of the thoughts and reactions I’m having. That way it won’t take THREE DAYS to get myself back into balance.

I hope you’re laughing with me. See you next time!

Warmly,

Dr. Robert Emmons studied the effect of gratitude on happiness. He found that practicing gratitude increased happiness by 25%. In a 10-week study he divided the subjects into 3 groups. Each week:

1. The Grateful Condition wrote five things they were grateful for
2. The Hassle Condition wrote five hassles
3. The Neutral Condition wrote five events (they were told not to focus on  negative or positive aspects)

The people in the grateful group were 25% happier.  They even exercised 1.5 hours more!
Another study looked at adults with serious chronic health problems.  In just 21 days the group who wrote daily experiences for which they were grateful was significantly happier than the group who just wrote about their day (control group). The gratitude group was more satisfied with life, more optimistic and slept better!

Isn’t that amazingly simple? (Click here for more information on these studies)  If you’re not already practicing gratitude, start today. When I read about this I ran out (I probably would have won a track and field award if someone had been clocking me) and bought a special gratitude journal. Each evening, before sleep, I write at least three things for which I am grateful.

Tonight, I’ll include you.

If you don’t have a Feel Good Folder yet, today’s the day! Whether it’s a folder on your computer or in your filing cabinet, it’s a resource to use when you’re down and out. When you need comfort. When you need a laugh.

If something moves you, makes you happy, makes you smile or shiver from its sheer magnificence, it belongs in your folder.

Here’s my latest addition to the folder:

It’s not the best recording, but the lyrics and melody have earned it a place in my Feel Good Folder!

I hope your folder brings you great comfort.